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I feel funny today. Really strange. It’s difficult to put it all into words but it’s a flighty and sad feeling today. Heavy in the pit of my stomach. Despite the distant sound of traffic, or the children’s’ shrieks of fun in the playground or even the birdsong floating all around; even with the melee of everything going on around me, my Soul feels empty and alone .

To be honest not all days feel like this one. But more and more they seem to appear from nowhere, uninvited and melancholy.

Today I can feel my life ebbing away. I’m not imagining it. I’m not being dramatic. I’m not particularly stressed. It really is leaving me and I can feel it today. I’m just…..so sad and tired. It’s a strange feeling; looking out across the motion of the world and feel myself sliding away a bit more, each week, each day, each minute. I used to be able to catch up with the retreating tide, and paddle and splash for a while longer. But not anymore. It gently washes away from me now, leaving the cold damp sand in front of me, which just keeps expanding further and further. The warm comforting water getting more distant every time I look up.  The thought of trying to chase the edge no longer appealing……. I’m just so tired.

However, as I think about ebbing tides, life and the sea, the second feeling I have today is far warmer. Exactly a year ago today I remember experiencing the most romantic moment of my entire life. I’ve been fortunate that there have been several in my life, but nothing that has ever compared to this particular day.

We had just sand boarded down the dunes, or more aptly he had boarded down like a pro where as I had crashed and burned several times and it was very undignified too. It was fun. There was time. There was calm. The sun was blazing the beach hot and white. A gentle breeze swaying the palm trees. We went for a walk along the beach, our feet just up to our ankles in the cold surf of the Atlantic. The sunshine beating down on our bare warm skin. No rush. We just talked and talked and talked, although I can’t remember about what exactly, but we strolled for about a mile or so along this long and glorious beach. Our shoulders gently bumping from time to time and the gentle touches we exchanged here and there as we chatted. The smiles we shared and laughter made.  Ah, you may say already this sounds romantic and lovely, almost too cliché. I suppose it was but that isn’t the events that made it the most romantic moment of my life to date.

Oh no. It was when we had decided that we were going to turn around and head back to the beach restaurant for lunch. We looked at each other and your eyes have never been able to lie to me, not once. Not ever. We looked at each other and you smiled that beautiful, coy and unguarded smile of yours and looked me directly in the eyes. At that very moment, in those few silent seconds, I could tell that you really did love me more than anything in the world. I remember my heart literally skipping and my skin flushing despite the sunburn. I’ll never forget that look. I close my eyes and see it now on your beautiful face. I’ll never forget that feeling you willingly gave me.

Thank you.